Transitions, crises and in between
'What are the bridges if not now?
Now and more now
It is time, coming and going
on his own trail.
What is the story in your collection?
A little tomorrow, a little today, and your childhood.
I look, coal and diamond,
It crumbles, and it suddenly shines in the light. '
(taken from "What are words" lyrics: Moshe ben Shaul, music and performance by Shlomo Artzi)
Let me dwell for a moment on the word Transitions.
The words, the bridges, the story of our lives, past, present and future, all these are part of the essence of transitions.
That's how things are; seemingly, life flows and suddenly it doesn't.
We live our lives as they are and then something changes.
It can be a personal crisis within a relationship, a divorce, a lack of meaning and fulfilment, illness, physical pain, menopause, the death of a loved one as well as birth, relocation, a crisis at work, and more.
Whether the change comes from our own choice and in full faith, or from the constraints of life, it can surely be very painful.
In any case, life as it was, is no more.
And more than likely, will never be the same again.
We are now faced with ambivalent feelings and emotions of helplessness, guilt, anger, loneliness, or depression, exhaustion, anxiety. The world may feel big and unsafe.
Dr. Jean Shinola Boden, PhD in Jungian analytical psychology, author, and international teacher, refers to the concept of "liminal space" (a concept that comes from the field of anthropology that talks about transition ‘In between’) as a space where a turning point may occur for the person, the group, the community, the world.
What connects every life transition or crisis (small or big) is the space in-between - a situation where what was is no longer there, there is no way back, and the future is unknown and unclear."
Transition point L i m i n a l s p a c e unknown future
In this interval lies a turning point for the person, the group, the community, the world.
I don't think we can review our lives without remembering at least a few moments of crisis or transition.
"...the things we perceive as tragedies, as challenges are not tragedies at all, unless we choose to see them as such, because we can choose to treat them as opportunities, an opportunity to grow, and then we will come to know that these challenges are actually the clues we may need to change our lives.It's like putting a stone in a mixer, you have a choice to come out of it crushed or polished'' - Dr. Elizabeth Kubler Ross -
Which lens to choose?
There is something unique about our pain that, when skilfully worked with, can allow us to find strength within ourselves.
Pain is inevitable, but our suffering may be optional.
Why?
I will explain right away.
The understanding that our difficult crises in life can cause suffering or change is necessary and determines our path, our experience, and the outcome.
If you go back in time, you may find that it was precisely the dark moments that brought with them the greatest growth.
Like a diamond forged from coal, within the challenge lies the solution.
If we go through the pain, we will come out on the other side and see beauty.
All the ancient wisdom teaches us that in the midst of the deepest despair, when all hope seems lost and it is easy to give up, in these moments, we have a great power at our disposal: The power of choice.
Pain is pain, we have no control over it. Only when we include and accept it, relaxation begins. Suffering is the gap, the tension between what is and what is not. Suffering is the story we tell ourselves about the pain and the situation, it is the constant holding on to it that keeps us stuck and in pain.
What is emotional maturity?
Maturity means that I can contain my emotions. I can see them in a healthy way, be in touch with them, host the whole range of emotions within me and learn how to regulate the nervous system.As we heal the nervous system, we rewire it in a healthy way, so we learn to manage our emotions instead of allowing the emotions to run our lives.
Accepting responsibility for ourselves means that we are mature and behave accordingly. It requires us to examine ourselves, look at ourselves, our feelings, our relationships with the world around us or in other words - take responsibility for our hearts.
For children, much of what they feel inside depends on events external to them, often in the absence of an adult who teaches them to be with their feelings. They are not given the permission to feel, process and learn regulation from the adult.
Body-based healing processes, nervous system awareness and tuning actually come to enable, meet and teach the inner child in us to process and regulate.
"Attunement is the reactivity we have to another person. This is the process by which we create relationships.When we tune in with others, we allow our inner state to change, to come to resonate with the other person's inner world." - Dr. Dan Siegel
In conclusion
We all go through crises!
And we have a choice and possibility to deal with them instead of against them.
Examples of an instinctive response (without choice) to a challenge or crisis:
• Denial (this is not my problem)
• Distancing (acknowledging the problem but blaming the other)
• Despondency and depression, a feeling that there is no way out!
And you can also:
Remember the liminal space: the space between the point where I am and an unknown future point for which I must wait, this is the waiting and the space for development.
To choose to sense, to feel, to meet, to heal, and to be open to change knowing that if a crisis arises, then in one creative way or another - a solution will be discovered and born.
I didn't say easy, but possible.
Why experience alone what can be together?
We are OneBody
I'm here for any question.
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